Checking In

Haven’t stayed on the wagon for very long. I’ve been sick since last week, so I’ve been comforting myself with food. Luckily having a cold means not too much of an appetite. I did manage to drop a lb after having a big sandwich for lunch and a sensible, low-carb dinner yesterday. I wasn’t happy that I wanted the sandwich, but it was kind of a reward. I have definitely curbed the at-home drinking, so that has been positive.



Seeing some positive results, although I’m not sure if I’m just seeing the effects of not being bloated anymore or if I’m actually dehydrated. In either case, I’m less than 2 lbs closer to my non-binge-eating resting weight (225). 

I haven’t been able to work out because I dropped a plank on my foot, which then swelled and bruised and hurts to put in a covered shoe like a high top or workout shoe. I just have to make up with it with being fully on the diet. I bought a bunch of veggies and edamame hummus to snack on instead of nuts and cheese which really doesn’t do a good job of filling me up. 

I had a big salad last night with figs, goat cheese, onions and sausage. It probably was higher carb than I should have for any one meal but at least I didn’t eat that much the rest of the day. The scale (hopefully) isn’t lying and the fact I’m 2 lbs down from yesterday seems to be a good sign. 

I enjoy reading people’s weight loss blogs on domains and tumblrs and such. It’s good inspiration and also good to feel like you have a support system in the form of other people trying to achieve the same thing as you.

What I hate, which seems to be reaaaaaaaaaaallly popular on tumblr, are those stupid, badly done, graphic designy, arty weight loss platitude posters or graphics people constantly reblog. Not only are they usually an amateur attempt at design, which I can’t stand (bad kerning / typography, sloppy design and graphics), but the platitudes themselves are just so sickly sweet, annoying, preachy, over-wrought, terribly written, and generalizing.

I don’t think I can accurately put in to words just how much I hate platitudes when it comes to weight loss, being fat and losing weight. Just the statement “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels” makes my skin crawl. Oh really, that’s supposed to motivate me? To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember what being thin feels like, and there’s a shit-ton of food that tastes amazing. It just sounds like something snobby anorexic girls say to justify their eating disorders.

Then, there are images like this one I saw reblogged on Tumblr about a bazillion times last week:

Aside from the glaring grammar and punctuation errors (missing commas, and the authors’ clear confusion as to the difference between the words than and then), this is the preachiest crap I’ve ever seen! I’m all for the more upbeat messages (You’re worth it! You can do it!), but this is so negative and yell-y. Who is the audience supposed to be? It reads like a speech at the end of a sports movie, but without any of the back story or any provocation. I read things like this, and I immediately get defensive, for no reason! I am guessing that is the opposite of the desired effect.

I wish I could read and follow people’s weight loss blogs without seeing this kind of re-blogged stuff. It’s a real turn-off for me and just makes me feel defiant. I’m sure others can find some use out of them, or else they wouldn’t be re-posting them – unless it’s just a peer-pressure kind of thing, since they seem to be so popular. Sigh.

This weekend was pretty bad. Shame and anxiety ruled, so I didn’t do much but stay inside and eat crap. Not a ton of crap, or calories for that matter, but what I did eat was crap. I am up to 229.4 again. I am bloated, thanks to my monthly gift, so maybe the damage wasn’t all that bad.

Continue reading

Getting Back Into It

I always mean well with my dieting, logging, everything. But life seems to get in the way. How are you supposed to calorie-count what you eat when you go out to a restaurant? Or hang out with friends?

I’ve been doing better with the no-drinking-at-home thing, at least. I did have 3 instances this weekend where I drank beer, when I really should’ve chosen wine or a well drink with soda. My system is all messed up and my diet is out of whack. I’ve been waking up with hunger pangs which means that my blood sugar isn’t back to where it needs to be and I’m not as low carb as I should be.

Can I just rant about the state of drink options in our nation? You can buy all manner of diet and low-carb drinks and sodas at the store, but when it comes to restaurants and bars, your only choices for low calorie are Diet Coke, Club Soda or Water. And maybe the occasional Sugar Free Red Bull (at bars). Aside from those huge eyesore Coke machines that make a bazillion combinations of drinks, there is no availability for Coke Zero, Diet 7Up or Sprite, Diet Tonic Water anywhere in public… I don’t get it!

Thanks to bread eating and beer drinking this weekend, I’m back up a few LBs I think. I ballooned way up after a BLT and a pizza binge sesh. SO and I have agreed not to order pizza anymore… or at least not get all the fixins’ that go with it, like bread sticks, chicken poppers, yadda yadda. I think I’d rather just not be tempted. Or at least order something in that’s not 100% bread, like healthier Chinese food.

Right now I am avoiding going to the gym. It’s a million degrees out and I don’t feel well to begin with. I have a lot of excuses, but at least I can placate myself by being 100% on my diet today since that’s the most important part.

I’m writing this from a bar

I love cooking, but I hate cooking for one. Not sure why, but I guess all that extra effort expended is really for the other person.

I was left to my own devices tonight, so rather than spending money on expensive take-out or delivery, I went to happy hour at my local sushi place where they do awesome no-rice rolls. Pretty genius.

Despite having a 1900 calorie day yesterday, I woke up to over a 1.5 lbs loss, so I guess I’m doing ok. But I can’t get too cocky. Which I guess I am, having a calorie and carb laden beer at a bar.

I did 20 mins of cardio today plus arms, the first time i’ve done weights in a while. I’m also on my way to a farmers market – just under 3 miles round trip of walking so I guess beer won’t kill me.

Good Start

I had a good couple of days on the scale front. I weighed in (after breakfast) at 228 today, was 227.4 yesterday.

I was, however, kind of bad yesterday, although the calories didn’t end up being that bad. I had an interview that I thought went well, and with my SO out for the evening, I went to happy hour for dinner. I know I overdid it on the alcohol front which I really shouldn’t have – probably contributes to being up a lb.

My day looked like this:

Tues 6/19

1 Sonoma Low Carb Tortilla (60 cal)
1 T mayo (110)
1 tsp mustard (5)
3 thin slices ham (50)
6 slices turkey (90)
American cheese (60)

2c Spinach (14)
Chicken wings – 5 oz meat (200)
Goat Cheese 2oz (140)
Almonds (80)
Beets (37)
Bacon (80)
Homemade Ranch (52)
Orange segments (35)
2x Sauv blanc (240)
2x Pabst 16 oz (400)
1oz Fireball whiskey (60)
1 oz Flavored Vodka (60)

2T Edamame Hummus (90)
Raw veggies (35)

All of that comes in at around 1850 cals, which is basically maintenance for me – so not a setback but certainly not helping. It is really crazy to see all of it written down – it doesn’t seem like a lot when you’re eating and drinking, but with it all laid out it certainly looks like a lot.

I plan on cutting out my at-home drinking to almost non-existent and see how much that helps speed up the process.

Today I have had:
1/2 Red Grapefruit (11g net carbs, 50 cal)
1 cup black tea w/ Splenda (5)
1 String cheese (65)

1 Sonoma low carb tortilla (60)
3 slices turkey (45)
1/2 avocado (110)
2 Tomato Slices (10)
1 tsp Kewpie mayo (33)
6 oz Diet Dr Pepper

That’s under 400 calories for the day so far, and I’m feeling OK. I think dinner will be steak and roasted eggplant, or chicken breasts w/ eggplant or salad.

The First Post

230 lbs – 6/13/2012

This is me today, at 230 lbs. Not my highest weight ever, but I’ve certainly hit a plateau. My regular diet and routine is no longer cutting it and I’m just maintaining, so I need to do something a bit more drastic. I’ve actually never taken a picture of my body like this, but I think it’s important because I have a tendency to picture myself as a thin person. The reality is that I’m not, and I need to remind myself of this so I don’t become even more complacent.

My hope is that with this blog I can keep myself accountable and keep track of my weight loss, as well as give myself a place to write about the struggles. A food journal, a personal journal, food addict confessions.

In honor of the first day, I’ll record my measurements as well!

C: 45
W: 38
H: 52
T: 29
B: 14